I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
