Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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