I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Panties = found
Randomize
