At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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