So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We left the knife in your bed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
