my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
