I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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