I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
