and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
