Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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