When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
