That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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