Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
