Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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