I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize