No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
