I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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