we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize