Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
