Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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