When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize