i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
