not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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