she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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