I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
