Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
