i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
