In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
