I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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