look no pants
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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