we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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