how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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