when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
