She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
