I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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