i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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