I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
