Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
