He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
