That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
