We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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