THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
