dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How does one acquire holy water?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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