If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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