The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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