Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
