jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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