is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
