i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
