Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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