That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
