Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
