Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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