im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
