He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
