I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
