what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this boner is exhausting
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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