He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
