Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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