i think my tv is drunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
