He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just gargled with NyQuil
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
