today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
