the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize