You work out of a Hotel?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
