how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
