No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize