OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize