someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
