Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
