i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
