You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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